Day 16: South By South I'm the Best Man, I Deeed It

Keep it short and sleep. Fantastic show at Red 7. As you know, Mother Ship are very much our good best bros. Scorpion Child are now officially too. Let's let the pics speak for themselves.

Day 14: Texarkana... I got nothin

You know when you're in a Southern road house in Arkansas, and all the locals look at you like you're Patrick Swayze taking a dump, and the promoter welcomes you in like you're his brother just returning from his third tour in Afghanistan, and then you play an awesome set for a shit ton of people, and one dude who works there named Something Rad gives you a jar of home made BBQ sauce, and then you go to a bar and meet a bunch of rad new friends, and then you time travel around town for a few hours, then it goes on and on, getting more and more awesome, and you get a bunch of free M:tG cards, and you eat bbq, and your life just rules, and rules, and rules for 3 days? Well, that's Texarkana.


There's lots of photos you can't see, but here's a few we think you should.

Actual Day 12: Oklahoma City Slang

These Muther Fuckers know how to party!!! Our fourth time here and it was like being at a North Korea Orwell Celebration Day party.

Day 12: Kansas City. Kansas City, where you at?

Well, it could have been worse. Hopefully the seed has been germinated, hooked up to some hydroponic system, and will be budding next time we're there. Judging by the excitement of those there, though, we'll be stoned in no time.

Day 11: Rincorn Continentar

Lincoln is a groovy little city with lots to offer visiting bands and anyone who like the shit out of Husker Football. We took it pretty easy this night, but that's because the city has a way of letting things get out of hand if you don't watch your cornhole.

Oh and we also ran into Carl from Huntress. Turns out he plays drums in indie rock bands too.

Day 10: Denveriation On A Theme

Huh. Who’d have thought Denver would be the best show yet on the tour?

Day X+3: Salt Lake Deez Nuts

Well, it was the final show of the tour with Huntress. What a bunch of assholes. I mean, seriously, do you really need that much cocaine up your vein? It’s like they’re using the Motley Crue biography as a road map. Dudes and chick, this isn’t 1982. It’s 2011. Kids don’t think partying is cool unless you take photos and then superimpose cats and “FAIL” on top. This day in age, you need to act professional at all times. Word to the wise: do what we did, which is pretty much suck as many balls as you can while fingering any lingering poop hole. It worked for Steve Carell, and it will work for you too.

Day X+2: Boise Dem Hippies??

Some stripper at the strip club called us hippies and then gave Ian the “Houna Hou, Bra” Chaka thumb and pinkie thing. He just shook his head and gave her the maloik. Her 19 year old daughter was supposed to bring us drugs later at the show, but they must have had a fight because she never came. However, we did discover Gypsyhawk’s new brand of choice: Georgia Moon Corn Whiskey: For When You’re Just Not Ready For That To Go Up Your Cornhole. $11.00 a 1/5 and smooth as a floater. We got 2. No Thanks to Huntress for drinking it all. At least that’s what Ron Funkhouser said happened to it.

Day X+1: Rattle In Seattle

We played with the homie Darwin’s band Ayahuasca Travelers so that was cool enough. Then, it turned out the closing band Brokaw has a dude from Burning Witch so THAT was especially cool. Ian thinks one of the dudes from Soundgarden was there too, but I said I think it was the dude from that band that did the song about walking 5,000 miles. The Pretenders, or something. We also saw a lot of crippled people walking around. We figured with Seattle’s not-so-inspiring weather all year long that these people were most likely botched dives off the Space Needle.

Day X: Portland Tail Chazers

Yeah. PDX. A city that didn’t have anything cooler than an airport to inspire a nickname. How about TriCano? There’s three bad ass volcanoes covered in snow all year round surrounding the city and that’s not used as a major selling point? I guess I can see why. We call Pasadena the PSD, but it sounds cool (see: Ice Cube’s verse in “Fuck Tha Police”). “X” is like, rollerblade competitions and nu-metal. But, we scored some magic cards and drank whiskey on the Sandy River during the day, so not all was lost.

One funny thing, when the liquor store clerk in the Red Fang shirt asked what we sound like I said, “Kinda like Red Fang so you might be down,” he replied, “nah. I don’t really like Red Fang.” He didn’t come. Maybe he’s like that homeless guy at the 7-11 in Highland park wearing a “Gippie Hawk” shirt because some teenagers gave it to him in exchange for buying them beer.

Day Four: Fuck Beano, Just Give Me RENO!

You've heard it all before. You know how we do in this town. This was no exception.Ron Houser was getting a quarter pound Big Bite at the 7-11 around 6 in the moorning when he met a stripper in her pajamas who invited him back to drink beer, smoke weed, and watch Twilight. Breakfast with Lepp (which is some sort of food and lots of drinks) before getting DOG-T tattoos. On a negative note, it was the last show of tour with Glitter Wizard. But we're determined to get them on a full proper tour one day.

Day 3: San Francisco Cock Suckers

Woo kept blathering about some dude who stole Swerengin’s juice so we set out to get it back. Once we got it our set finally came back into full force tour muther fucking Gypsyhawk gusto. San Francisco will always be home to us. Definitely the best show of tour so far. But P.P. Rider had an ominous premonition in his sleep: an Asian midget shaved off his beard. The poor boy wasn’t right the whole next day. Also, we met our colleagues from Sweden known as In Solitude who were also on tour, but with Down. We were just down with them.

Watch This

Drunken Santa Floozie

We got to break out our rad backdrop for this show. Eric got so drunk he passed out on the sidewalk but still couldn’t keep the girls off of him. Ron Houser housed most of the House Keys. Glitter Wizard did something to open a hole in the universe with their set that caused all the excitement for Gypsyhawk to be swooped up and let go on to them. Indian Giver played a killer set that shook my bowels loose. Huntress once again proved they are an unstoppable force heading towards in immovable object. Can’t wait to see the collision. Mucho Hornos to Chace Fraser from Decrepit Birth for the amazing hospitality. He has a really cute cat.

Day 1: Ventura Capitalists

Ventura was much better this time than last. No one told us to “go back to San Francisco”. This town if full of only 21 year old girls. For some reason California now issues ID cards that look so alien to what I’ve always seen that it looks like some drunk Yugoslavian was just guessing what they look like when he got his fake ID business going. Both us and Huntress played well. And so did Brothers of the Sonic Cloth and The Fucking Wrath. It was a good night. Finished it off at a new friend’s place to house a bottle of Jack and two sandwiches from the liquor store. Surprisingly good pastrami, and I go to Langer’s.